By Mirabelle Summers
Author of Addict Him To You
Find out how to be the one he keeps and get the commitment from a man you truly deserve.
How A Man Should Treat You
A lovely friend of mine had it all. A great job, a college degree, fun roommates in a great suburb…. She was in her early twenties and on top of the world.
Then an economic recession hit. She lost her job, and in some inexplicable turn of fate was unable to find another one that paid as well as the unemployment benefit.
Life circumstances like that take a toll on your self-esteem. Men that you wouldn’t look twice at when things are going well suddenly become a lifeline when you’re vulnerable.
And that’s what happened to her. She hooked up with a verbally abusive player who would make inappropriate phone calls in the middle of the night when he was drunk and refuse to acknowledge her as his girlfriend.
But, like most women in a vulnerable situation, she preferred something to nothing. Focusing on him took the focus away from her precarious situation. Focusing on his indiscretions made her feel like a good person in comparison.
The story didn’t end happily. She didn’t manage to convert the bad boy into the “good man” she imagined seeing beneath. Rather, he showed his true colors, leaving her insecure, needy and jealous … all qualities that her former independent self would have never recognized.
When we’re in a vulnerable place in our lives, we become even more vulnerable to men who aren’t good for us.
They’re men who make us feel jealous, insecure and needy.
They’re men who make us feel not attractive enough, not exciting enough, or not adventurous enough.
They’re men who make us doubt ourselves.
Those kinds of men aren’t just bad apples. They’re actually dangerous.
They’re dangerous to our self-esteem and our self-confidence. They damage our hopes and dreams by dragging them through the dirt of an ugly reality. We hang on for dear life, hoping that we’ll tame the bad boy and deserve a happily-ever-after for our efforts…
…But all that happens is that we get thrown off, bruised and muddy and emotionally battered. It will take a lot of courage to try riding that horse again.
By letting ourselves buy into the belief that we can change a man or tame a bad boy, we actually hurt our chances of attracting a good man.
By getting used to a man treating us with disrespect – telling us we’re not attractive, asking us for money, using our kindness, putting us down – we get accustomed to an unhealthy dynamic. We start to think that’s normal. We start to think that we have to earn a man’s love.
That’s why, today, I want to tell you how you should be treated by a man.
Before you ask – NO, I’m not setting the bar too high. I’m simply laying out three basic guidelines that any genuine, decent, loving man will easily achieve.
1. A Good Man Will Compliment You
You see, a good man who’s besotted with you will find you incredibly attractive. He may even feel embarrassed that he finds you more attractive than his favorite celebrity star. He knows that you’re just an ordinary girl – he knows that to his friends you’re just another girl out of many girls – but in his eyes, you just glow. It doesn’t have to do with your cosmetics. It doesn’t have to do with your hairstyle or clothes.
It has to do with you.
And if a man “negs” you – e.g., he makes fun of your looks – he’s a player. Just read Neil Strauss’ The Game for proof of the tricks men play on women to poke holes in their self-esteem.
2. A Good Man Will Want to Take Care of You
I recently heard that a friend of mine had hooked up with a man much older than she was. She was a single mother struggling in a foreign country, and this man was twenty years older, a native, and had a long career under his belt.
He told her that his political philosophy was based on the fundamental equality of all persons: male and female, rich and poor. In fact, his deep philosophical convictions and intelligence were what attracted her to him for the first place.
They moved in together, and the practical consequences of his belief became apparently. Equality, for him, meant complete financial independence from one another. He had his money, and she had hers.
Even when she was struggling to eat and feed her child, he refused to help her with buying food or contribute any more to the bills.
Even when she lost her job and didn’t know what to do – worried that she’d have to move back home – he didn’t express an opinion.
He believed that it was through struggle that we become strong, so, by helping her to survive, he would be depriving her of a valuable learning opportunity.
Now, these may all be valid points in political philosophy, but he was not her teacher. He was her lover. She imagined a future with him.
It was clear to everyone but her that this was NOT a man who wanted a relationship. This was a man who wanted a roommate with benefits.
A man who wants a future with a woman dreams of providing for her. Even though he may not be the wealthiest man on the planet, he loves the little things he can do for the one he loves. He loves being of service to her. He wants to support her in her dreams in whatever way he can.
3. A Good Man Will Try His Best
We’re not all perfect. We make mistakes, we say things that hurt our partner, and we do stupid things that we later regret.
But a man who wants to make the relationship work will put in the effort.
It may not be easy for him. He may feel like he’s outside of his comfort zone. But he WILL try his best. He’ll do things that he hopes will make you happy. He’ll do what he feels is best for the both of you.
Now, when I say that he will try his best, I don’t mean that his best will always be enough. Nor do I mean that his best will be identical to what you think is best.
But a good man puts in the effort. Regardless of whether his efforts succeed or fail, he tries.
Why does he try his best?
Because he doesn’t want to lose you. Ever.
And that’s why you should never settle for the bad boy, who would throw away the gift of being with you as if it were an empty pop can.
The real man won’t throw you away that easily.
Don’t EVER settle for anyone less.
** In case you haven’t seen it yet:
If you want to connect with a man at a level where he wants to open his heart to you (instead of letting him play his silly games), so that you can reach deep into his heart and make him see you differently to every other girl he has ever known then check out this video…